Jokes On Wheels

So, I spent my time last night laughing at a group of people with Cerebral Palsy.

No.

I am not a soulless bitch.

Rather, I covered an event called 'Jokes on Wheels,' a comedy night to raise awareness for people at Carleton with disabilities.

It was absolutely hilarious.

After a long night of essay writing and a full day of classes, I was not a happy camper when I waltzed into Oliver's to cover the event.

But, I left the bar with a huge smile and a new perspective on what life is like for people with disabilities.

Tim Rose, a 4th year student, whose been here for 6 years (on his "double victory lap," as he so candidly put it), struggles daily with cerebral palsy.

Yet, he makes light of his disability - most of his comedy comes from things that he's actually experienced, and trust me it's hilarious.

Some of my favourite Tim Rose jokes from last night:

On living with a disability:

“My body sucks. I cannot do anything on my own. Basically I can move two fingers… but as my ex-girlfriend says that’s all you really need in life."

On airport security:

“This lady comes over, she’s a really really hot airport security guard, and she says Mr. Rose I’m going to have to pat you down…and that was my first sexual experience.”

On his appearance:

“I kind of look like Stephen Hawking, except hotter… but he deals with scientific black holes and I deal with female black holes”

There were also several jokes about ridin dirty on the Para Transpo bus, what it would be like if CSI ran an episode of 4 guys with cerebral palsy robbing a bank, and rollin through the drive thru in your wheel chair.

Truly epic night.

Anyways, I have to go write a real article about this now for JOUR2201.

I wonder what CP Style's policy is on sexual jokes...?

- Alex.

Personality Tests...

K, so I really like taking these personality tests, they are always strangely accurate.. that and I generally like knowing what computers think of me

Here is a particularly fun one, all with colours and such...

It said I am 45% extroverted and 55% introverted... That sounds about right.

Here is a really long, but super awesome one...

According to this one, I don't really like change, I am disorganized but can get shit done, I'm relatively friendly, I am however, very judgmental and am very calm.

Here is one to see if you have any personality disorders...

It says I am moderate Histronic (attention seeker) and moderate Narcissistic, both make sense as I am doing personality tests and posting my results on a blog.

Here is the standard Myers-Brigg

I am ESTP, I am not super sure what that means.

Here is the Keirsey Temperament personality test...

I am an Artisan, specifically a promoter, once again, not really sure what that means, but it sounds good.

And this is how I spent my Wednesday evening.

-Ariel

Not very gleeful

EVERYONE IN OUR HOUSE LOVES GLEE, so can you imagine my HORRIBLE surprise when I found out that the best show ever (besides LOST) is having an extended HIATUS!!!

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!

December 9 until April 13 is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH too long to wait. I may die.

In honour of this sad, sad occurrence, I am dedicating this post to outlining my top five favourite Glee moments thus far.

5. The Tina/Artie kiss. SO cute!! Artie, who cares if she doesn't have a stutter, get on that!!

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4. The ENTIRE Single Ladies episode. Kurt you are AWESOME and a fab dancer. Keep working it out. Any show that allows for a house full of girls to swoon over dancing football players is a-okay with me!

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3. Don't Stop Believing performance. The song that originally got us all hooked on Glee. So powerful, it actually almost made my cry.

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2. The Sue Sylvester and Mr. Schuester showdown (Major alliteration!)...

How epic was the slow-mo, dubbed over fight? Always entertaining.

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1. Any scene with Puck. Lets put it this way: he appeals to the timeless desire for a bad ass, rebellious man. And what a man he is. YOU CAN CLEAN MY POOL ANYTIME YOU WANT. As we say in the house: "puck me please!" Ouuu, especially like the "Sweet Caroline" thing, tickles my heartstrings!

LOVE

- hilary

Oh those Russians...

I have an odd affinity for all things Russian. So when I went on Wikipedia I was pleasantly surprised to find that the featured article was Nikita Zotov, a Russian who tutored Peter the Great, after clicking on a few more Russian rulers, I came accross this little gem...

This is Catherine I, and she ruled Russia,

and this is the current Russian leader:

Makes me wish Stephen Harper was tougher. He would guaranteed lose a fight against either of these guys.

ps. you can go and see Rasputin's penis on display at a Russian museum of erotica in St.Petersburg...

-Ariel

These are a few of my favourite things ... to study to - PART 1

Since it seems that EVERYONE is forced to manage an insane amount of work at the moment, I thought I'd let everyone in on what keeps me (relatively) sane in the midst of essays, exams etc.

1. Classical Music

No, seriously guys. When the monster that is Stressed Natalie raises it's ugly head, this is basically the only thing that will tame it.

A few goodies:

Chopin's Nocturnes in particular are beautiful. I can play a few of them on piano and it almost always helps in chilling me out.

LISTEN:

Rachmaninoff was playing that last one and he, again, rules my world. I recently discovered this little gem:

The best part comes right before the seven minute mark where it gets all awesome and Russian.

Apparently he had really big hands too. And you know what they say about big hands.... great pianist.

He was quite the bad ass, just check it:

Chilling with his beautiful grand piano I would kill 100 single men for.

If you looked up 'gentleman' in the dictionary, this is what you would find.

FUN MANITOBA FACT: Rachmaninoff totally performed in Winnipeg twice. Check it. Additionally, if one was to type in my name into the search bar of that website, one would totally find my prize winning essay. Yeah.

Shit. Now I'm totally late for history class...

Oh and yes Hilary that title was just for you.

Over and out - N

It's 5:06 am... Where in the World Could I Be..?

Asleep in my bed? No.

At some hot shit after party? No.

Enjoying a scrumptious super early breakfast? No.

In the basement of the Loeb Building?

Yes.

I am still at school.

I have been here for twelve hours.

Tuesdays are my day off.

Fuck you school.

Seriously...Fuck you.

I have class at 8:30am.

Just needed a little vent...

- (very overtired, stressed) Alex.

Project Craft

Since I am further procrastinating from doing anything productive, I thought I would share with the blogosphere the fun, semi-practical (although my roommates would disagree) crafts that I am making. But before I fully indulge in you my crafty plans, I would like to show off my pride and joy, the colourful paper tree that dwells on the wall in my bedroom.

You like? It took me hours!

So CRAFTS. Well in the immediate future, I am most definitely planning on expanding my paper wall collage to include a sun and some kind of starry night scene on the ceiling. Read: I want lots of coloured paper for Christmas.

Ok, so other than that, I bought this medium sized styrofoam ball last week. I plan on spray painting it (with Brittany's silver spray paint left over from halloween so I don't need to actually go buy some myself and look like a hooligan) and then covering it with lots of fun buttons and beads, all stuck into place with pearl-topped pins.

I apologize profusely if you have no idea whatsoever what I am planning on making... don't worry, the roomies didn't understand either, and gave me that "Hilary, you're SO crazy" look.

Here's a picture of the supplies anyways, hopefully it will clarify things a little? I just want to hang it somewhere and have the light bounce off of it in a happy manner, is that too much to ask? Will update you once project is done, no worries.

Other than this, I am extremely excited for the purchasing of our very first Christmas tree and fully plan on making EVERY SINGLE decoration that graces its branches! So stoked!! More to come...

Hilary

Christmas

I am 100% a Christmas person. I love the lights, the music, the happy TV-specials, the smell of the Christmas tree, the cookies.

Every year I lose my mind for Christmas, and this year is no different.

I has yet to snow though, and although I am used to having a Green Christmas, I really think that Ottawa weather should just grow a pair already and snow.

You hear that weather, I am giving you until December 1 to snow. After that I am writing a very sternly worded letter.

This is what Ottawa needs to look like by the end of next week, or I will really be very upset.

-Ariel.

The French always do it for me

As if I was debating if this was my signature scent or not.

Great music to study to: a great female singer from Quebec called coeur de pirate.

Such adorable french music (Ariel, you'll like her).

-Nat

Boredom

Right now Ariel, Alex and I (Hilary) are sitting in the most boring journalism class. Ever. Every Friday, we have these guest speakers that come in to talk to us, teaching us all these valuable facts we apparently need to know if we are to be successful journalists.

Ariel is on urbanoutfitters.com looking at some fabulous gilded mirrors (like she doesn't have two already).

Alex is playing a sheep game on stumbleupon.

Both have been on facebook for half the class. I would have gone on as well, except that would involve me reactivating my facebook account and losing a very valuable bet. Not happening!

Our guest speaker today is discussing something about the trends and tensions of education. She reminds the three of us as some kind of weird hybrid between Professor Umbridge and Rita Skeeter from Harry Potter. Seriously, she is their love child!

And the clock ticks down until 11:30...oh Friday freedom, you will be oh so sweet.

tick.

tock.

GET US OUT OF HERE.

About Us

If you thought this was going to be a short post, think again. There is no one word you can use to describe the six of us. We are all completely different from each other, but we all have amplified personalities which keeps living together interesting.

Here's to hoping the following post will help you to better understand what makes each of us tick.

Alex

I'm a journalism student with BIG ambitions. I love adventure and am a self-professed thrill seeker. I'm friendly, fun and outgoing, but have been known to spend 12 hours or more studying my little heart out in the library. I want to be a globetrotter (not from Harlem) and jam my life full of amazing experiences. I think human rights are very important. My goal in life is to be able to sit down at 95 and write an incredibly badass autobiography. My boyfriend looks freakishly like Jesus. I truly believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and every mistake is a lesson in disguise. Oh... and karma? It's real.

Amanda

So im amanda obviously... i love to work out im pretty sure its a disease and i love ben n jerrys wit hilary having our weekly fat days as we call them. I am considered the normal one in the house full of crazy ppl AHHHH! my life invovles working and doing shit all cos i procrastinate like crazy n because im too busy catching up on hollywoood gossip n mad girly shows... i love hockey well mainly the montreal canadians so dont hate cos i already n what u guys are thinking...so uh yea that sums me up pretty much.. Ps go HABS go!

Ariel

I am from BC and as such believe myself to be above nearly all Ontario-born people. Antiques Roadshow is without a doubt my favorite show on television. I own no less than 2 gilded mirrors, and 7 pairs of boots, all housed in the smallest room in the house. I very rarely close my blinds. I am probably the chillest person in the world - definitely the chillest in this house - nothing truly bothers me (I think it may be a West Coast thing). I'm a fine driver. The best joke I've ever made: "You can Jew better."

Brittany

I am a novelty. Intense, Cross-Country Skiing, Mathletic Yukoner. Also the mother of five nineteen year old girls. I enjoy taking five hours to create culinary masterpieces ( and sneaking a run in while they're in the oven). I take full credit for Hilary Duff's current relationship, therefor should be henceforth referred to as the Love Guru. Don't expect me to be able to pull that Mike Myers accent though, I restrict my improv to First Nations accents and Egg language. I have love affairs with snow, obliques, nontario canada, ryan reynolds, fair trade, and adam lambert. yep, big polygamist. I can add you to that list if you're tall and muscular. mrow. also i do a dece booty shake.

Hilary

More than anything in the world, I wish I was in elementary school again, when imagination had no boundaries. I love being creative, and try and make something new every week. I love colour and vibrancy, and if you stepped into my bedroom you would immediately think the Rainbow Monster puked on my walls. I love photography and ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough Ben and Jerrys!). I like doing stupid things like playing air guitar on my roommates' beds and frequently pretend I am Maria from the Sound of Music. And that's that.

Natalie

What I aspire to in life is to own Christian Louboutain heels, drive a BMW, own too many designer clothes and be extremely successful in every aspect of life. "Who needs a man, when you can have a luxury sedan?" is what I tell myself everyday. My everyday life however consists of being overdressed for basically every occasion, shlepping around a giant red backpack the size of my body, being extremely stressed out, and having a weird affinity for learning about wars. I have respect crushes on John Maynard Keynes, Ayn Rand, and quantum physics.